For Jacob

I love my fiance with all of my heart. So today I am going to ramble about him, and us, and what all of my thoughts have been today after reading his blog.

I have been trying my best, in preparation for the day when I (finally!) get to say "I do", to learn him. I want to know everything about him so that I can be the best helpmate and wife to him that I can be. Sometimes I feel a little discouraged because my emotions cloud my desires, and it seems that all I can do is make mistakes. But every day I learn and grow a little closer to being a woman worthy of him.

Our relationship is often unequal; I take of him when I am so deeply depressed that no sunlight can reach me, and I know he gives gladly, but still, I am grateful for the times when I feel I can give something back. I know it can't always be easy to love me, but Jacob seems to be made for it. He is strong enough, and compassionate enough, to be my support.

Before I was close to him, first as a friend and then as a girlfriend, I had the tendency to dismiss him. Jacob was just one of those annoying guys I grew up with who frequently did things that mystified me, like stay up all night playing video games or attend wild parties. Truthfully, he irritated me, and much of our contact in middle and high school was incessant teasing and harassment. Neither of us was unkind, but I truly think it's because we didn't care enough about the other person to be unkind. At least, I'll say that for myself.

When we first started hanging out with one another frequently, I started to see a different side to him. You can't imagine how surprised I was at how tender he can be. He quickly showed me, in quiet, unobtrusive ways, how loyal, protective and deeply passionate he could be. When the time came that I felt comfortable enough to open my heart to him, he let me cry on his shoulder without guilt. I realized, in that moment, that no man had ever loved me so selflessly, without asking anything in return. I wondered (and still do sometimes) why I had ever consented for the black and white versions when full color was what I had wanted and needed!

It felt like a sudden decision to the people around us, but I truly believe that once Jake and I let the other person see the real us, it was the most natural thing in the world for love to blossom. Every day I see in him so many characteristics God has gifted him with, and that will make him an amazing husband and father; he is gentle, loving and slow to anger. He knows when to speak and when to listen, and he is so very patient.

And Jake is fun. Silly, maybe, but true. I have never had so much fun with someone, just sitting on the couch or running dumb errands. He makes me laugh, even when I don't want to. I live for the moments where something I've said makes him smile his adorable smile, or laugh with abandon. He never lets either of us go to bed angry. The few times we've parted in anger he's followed me to my house to make up.

I call myself a writer but I feel that none of these words are adequate or eloquent enough to express to you how much Jake means to me, and how much I love him.
But I do hope the he realizes it, and knows I think the world of him.

'Quel