So Tired

Warning. Severely depressed ramblings ahead. Proceed with CAUTION or not at all.

This has been the worst couple of days I have experienced in quite awhile.

I accidentally stepped on Olivia and although it seems nothing is broken, she has cried pitifully a few times when Addie tries to cuddle with her. So at the very least she is bruised. I was practically in hysterics for a half an hour, shaking and sobbing and thinking I'd killed her and there's no way I'll be able to forgive myself if I kill her.
And if you are thinking 'she's just a rat' I would encourage you to keep your tongue in your mouth.
I was so upset I did nothing but cuddle and love her and shower the two of them in treats. Because if I have killed her, by God, her last meal is going to be amazing.

I broke the passenger side window off my car by misjudging the distance of the trash cans in the garage. I then proceeded to sob all the way home. Are we seeing a pattern here? It's tears. I don't think I've cried so much since... I can't remember. I'm nearly broke so I can't afford to fix the damn thing if it costs more than, say, five bucks.

I miss my other half like a heartbeat and sometimes it feels like there is no one on my side, not a one and I don't know how much of that a person is supposed to take before they just give up.

It's too early to be upset about not finding a job but I've already made myself so paranoid that this job search is going to be like earlier this year (remember? I spent four months job hunting with no success) that I'm a mess.

At the end of the month I have to move out of my grandparent's house because my kitten is coming to live with me and they don't want cats around. Which means I might have to move back home. Don't get me wrong, I love my family. But it's stressful at my house sometimes. There are so many people and animals and yelling and I kind of shrink from that. I need space and I don't have any there. So I'm terrified and upset and scared becuase I don't know what to do.

I'm so tired. Honestly, I'm just so tired.
And I'm lonely. Aren't people going to get sick to death of me at some point? What will I do then?

If I cry anymore I'll drown in my own tears.

'Quel