Tonight you are wide awake. This isn't unusual for you; you remember. But tonight is different. The darkness doesn't seem to press so hard against your chest. Tonight the man you love is breathing quietly across the room, the gentle rise and fall of his sleeping body a comfort you are afraid to take for granted.
Do you remember when you first fell in love with him? Do you remember the feeling of home and safety that first time he pulled you into his arms and kissed your forehead? It was as if he was shielding you from the world, and his kiss was a protection, a warning to any who might hurt you.
You love this man, with all of your scarred heart.
You are anxious tonight, full of worries both little and big. You know that worries will not ease the changes in your life, but you can't stop the flow of thought. Still, not even the stress of the day can chase away your peace.
You think about the day you will look across the table at him, in your houseful of animals, and know that you are his completely.
The rats play noisily in their cage. You shoot anxious glances towards his pillow, afraid their squeaks and squabbles will wake him. He doesn't move. You half smile with affection. You could practice a drum solo near his ear and he would probably sleep through it all.
You remember being upset with him this morning. He told you he'd volunteered to work on his day off. For the extra money, he said, for both of us. You wanted to be angrier but his earnest green eyes sought only your happiness. You sulked and then bit back your tongue, trying not to think of the missed hours, to think only of the love he has for you and your future, that he would take on an extra shift. It seems silly now to quarrel over something so inane. You love him, and he loves you.
And even when the sparkle of 'in love' fades, and hairs gray and years pass, you will always have your best friend at your side. The stubborn set of his mouth, the passionate green eyes, the warmth of his arms; these are yours to cherish.
Yes, tonight you are well.
Do you remember being so in love? Do you remember when you hoped and dreamed and lived and laughed with him, for him, for both of you?
Who are you now?
Your Past,
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