A Moment at a Time

Sometimes it's too much work to take life one day at a time. Sometimes I can only handle life one hour, or one moment at a time. I think to myself, If I can just make it out of bed and into the shower. Okay, good. Now if I can just make it to lunch.... I consider it a little victory every time I make myself go on living.

Today was better than yesterday.
I'm not sure what brought on this latest episode of apathy and abjection but I'm fighting it in the only ways I know how. For one, I got out of the house. I went window shopping at Half Price Bookstore with my grandmother and great grandma. I struggled to be my cheerful self but getting back in touch with my great granny's life was a big help. Sometimes the best way to defeat depression is to step outside myself.

Then I visited with my family; sisters, mom and pups included. I attended an evening at my new pastor's house where he spoke about the church and then went to Jake's for some 'friend' time. I've missed my friends these past weeks. School has been such a new and exciting (and consuming) thing that I have not made many plans to hang out. Plus being broke can dampen the range of activities. However, it was great to see Katie and Jake and Charles. I know I shouldn't go too long without my friends because then I start to think I am alone. I need them to balance out my life.

Tomorrow morning, or rather early this morning, is church and tonight is my new Bible Study Group. I admit to being nervous. I'm outgoing and full of questions and devil's advocate talk in my small groups, because that's the way I learn best, with discussion and questions, but I'm nervous about opening up to yet another new group of people. Especially now, when the darkness in my heart and head makes me very sensitive to the smallest slight. At the same time I'm excited because I've craved the encouragement I had in my old Bible Study. (If you remember, I had to stop attending because I have class the same night.) I hope it goes well. I'm determined to be myself but also to be cautious until I feel comfortable.

One encouraging moment for me came when I talked to a couple who had been married for some time. They told me that they had been engaged for a year and during that time they saw each other only once; he was in Hawaii and she was in South Carolina. Oddly enough ever since I started attending Harvest I've recieved lots of assurance and encouragment about long distance relationships and it has made me more dedicated and determined to do my best in my relationship with Stephen. We haven't had it easy, but I love and care for him too much not to work my hardest.

As a final note for the evening, or early morning, the thesaurus has some interesting words for depression that I liked.
Qualm, lugubriosity, dolor, melancholia, ennui.
Oh words, you rarely fail me. ;-)

I'm off for some much needed sleep.
What is it about me that craves updating my blog so late at night!

Au revoir,
'Quel