Disclaimer: I’m posting this today, but it was written late night Thursday, Dec. 11 or early morning Friday, Dec. 12 (whatever your pleasure).
Even though the whole busted headlight thing has been irritating and annoying I’m finding it only minorly so.
And I think maybe I’m only acting irritated when I tell people about it… because to be truthful I don’t mind. It gives me a couple more hours at Taylor to say quiet good-byes.
Even if this place IS deserted! Wow… I’ve never heard Bergwall this dead before. I am greatly enjoying the melancholy, reminiscent quality in the Skyway. Although without the lovely sounds of couples making out it doesn’t feel like the same dorm!
… and just as I’m praising the quiet there is the randomness that is a college boy singing ‘Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer’ at the top of his lungs as he walks up the stairs…
I can’t believe Christmas is in fourteen days. Like my best friend Hannah said recently on her blog, I’m not really in the Christmas mood or spirit. Arguably, I have never loved Christmas so that might be part of it. But in past years I’ve at least noticed it was coming up. And now I find myself shocked it’s here so soon!
I haven’t cried yet-about leaving. It seems odd that with all these emotions swirling around in my head I haven’t broken down. Tim… sure, I can cry about that one. Spanish is another… but leaving Taylor? Maybe it’s because everyone around me is so sad that I can’t bring myself to join the blues. I have to add a little ying to their yang and even it up.
The worst part is sometimes pain only translates into a deep ache that crying won’t relieve. That is how I feel now.
I feel sorry for you, dear reader, because I am not the most eloquent or amusing or interesting or light hearted of writers as of late.
But writing helps me. It removes a couple of the heavy stones from my heart so that I can function adequately.
During our fight last night Kris snapped, “I think you just enjoy being miserable.”
That struck me for some reason. Do I enjoy being miserable? I don’t think so. But I can see how I might come off that way. I tend to be extreme in my emotions. I give myself wholeheartedly over to my passions by nature (although I’ve learned to curb them somewhat) so if I’m angry, I’m filled with rage and fury. If I’m happy or excited those emotions consume my life. It’s the same with depression. If I’m despondent I go all out.
And I’m not great at hiding how I really feel.
Which is odd to me only because people tell me often that I come off as a very private person. How does that work with such extreme emotion?
I digress.
About earlier tonight.
Every time I think that the world is crap, somebody goes and does something to change my mind! It’s obnoxious!
I was walking back from dinner at the Grille with a good friend when a silver car pulled up beside us and rolled down the window. Which is a) creepy and b) atypical of Taylor drivers. We like to pretend pedestrians don’t exist.
It was Brian Fannin, younger brother to a friend and a fellow Bergwallian.
“Hey, can I give you guys a ride? It’s cold out!”
I was shocked.
“Oh, wow” Nadeah said.
“Uh… we’d love that. It IS cold out.”
I mean, can you believe that guy? How dare he go and ruin my bad mood? :-p
Although to be honest, the mood was already diminishing after talking with Nadeah for a while. We discussed certain events in my recent past on which she has a lot of knowledge. It was extremely helpful. I’m being vague because of the nature of said talk and me not really knowing who reads this thing.
All in all, it’d be easier to leave if I detested Taylor. But I don’t. I feel like I’m leaving pieces of me here.
Later, after Jen got off work, she, Annaliese and I watched a movie in the Skyway (which for non-Taylorites is just a covered bridge leading from Bergwall to the Dining Commons. There are couches and stuff and it's cozy). The movie was a tween thing and was uber-predictable but funny in that 'oh my gosh, can you believe we're watching this' kind of way. And then Jen and I had a dance party in the Skyway. It was my minor rebellion since dancing's not allowed, nor should we probably be dancing to the music we chose. *wicked grin*
Much love,
‘Quel
Oh wow. I meant to text Jennifer and I texted my friend Phil instead. (She’s listed as Princess Jasmine, which is why the names are so close. XD) Best part? My text said, “Reminder. You still have my pants.”
*dies laughing*
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