The absolute worse thing to do when you're feeling depressed is be alone.
Which is, of course, why I went for a walk by myself tonite.
My roomates both left early this afternoon and I have been enjoying the solitude. I've been watching Family Guy without snide comments, blaring Taylor Swift and Linkin Park by turns and snacking on Brown Sugar Pop Tarts. Which I've discovered I don't really like but feel obligated to eat since I did, in fact, spend four fifty on the stupid things. Approximately. I mean, I'm really just guessing because the box is all the way across the room and I'm much too lazy to check for sure.
(I really do function better if I have some alone time in between interactions. I think I'm growing more solitary as I get older, but hopefully not anti-social and too introspective)
Anywho, I curled my hair for something to do, went to dinner (rasain bran, yum yum) and decided that even if I didn't have plans, persay, I was going to get out and do something. So I put on my coat, flipped on my mp3 player and went walking. This was around seven-ish. I happened to wander into the music building around seven twenty five, just in time for a staff recital. They were playing one of my favorite Beethoven pieces EVER so I slipped in the back and read with the mingled tones of the clarinet, the cello and bass swirling around my head.
Completely random but nice. Really relaxing.
And then I finished my walk.
'Cause I'm not your princess
This ain't a fairytale
I'm gonna find someone, some day
Who might actually treat me well.
This is a big world,
That was a small town
There in my rearview mirror,
Disappearing now.
White Horse - Taylor Swift
... with that song playing every other time.
Taylor Swift's voice and lyrics have matured so much.
Part of the reason I went for a walk was to think. And I had a lot to think about. Leaving Taylor's a big one, but so are my plans after I leave here. I want to finish my degree so badly, but right now I have no idea where to go for that. I still plan to go through Vet Tech training but where do I go to finish my psych degree? It's not like there's no other school as good as Taylor, but it won't be the same. (I know, I know... duh) And honestly, I'm a little freaked out to have to be dealing with these things. I don't wanna grow up!
*sigh* But I think mapping out a general idea of what I want to do is going to be a big help.
I tried really hard not to think negative thoughts about the boy, which is slowly getting easier. Doesn't help that I see him all the time and he pretends we don't breathe the same air.
I thought about my writing too, and how if I really want to go somewhere with that, I need to get more serious. Being published is, honestly, a secondary goal. I'd just like to see if I could finish and 'perfect' something as long as a novel.
You'll be interested to know that I've started a file for rejection letters. :-) The Parnassus letter is the first!
Thought about how to keep friends that I have now. It requires a lot of work, but it's work that I don't mind doing. I don't want to lose Annaliese and Jen and Kate and my other good friends.
Which is part of the reason I've been struggling with leaving, because I know there are friends I am going to lose. It's a part of life.
*hums*
I said good bye to some of my favorite spots on campus, too.
And now, I'm going to take a shower and go to bed. I've got an eight o' clock class!
Much love,
'Quel
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